Today I read through a tiny book called "Though Lions Roar", the story of Helen Roseveare. A British woman from the mid 1900's, and virtually unknown to me prior to this book, she struggled with so many of the same things that I do today. Pride, self-elevation, service to be serving God and not seen by man, you get the point. One portion of the book so struck a chord with me that I reread it a few times before continuing on.
... and she prayed this prayer in all sincerity: "Please go on working in me until I really am transformed into the image of Your Son. Today I mean this, but when You start doing it, and the stirring hurts, and I feel I can't take anymore, maybe I'll cry out to you to stop, but just remember my vow today to be available to you, and just go on working away at me to make me like you want me to be."
Wow! I have often had those same feelings and emotions, never once thinking to pray for God to continue His work in me in spite of them. Some times I fear making the "vow" because I know I will break it. I fear my failure and that causes me to not even try in the first place. Oh that I will at least give God the chance to work wholly in me!
You need only watch the first five minutes...
All of this brings to mind when Dan and I had our children. We both had a desire to have as natural a childbirth as possible, and were fully prepared to have Dan be the heavy when I - in full blown labor- would be tempted to cave in under the pressure and cry out for drugs ... please! Anything to stop this immediate hurt! There were times when he had to be strong, and go against what I was saying at the time. But he was fully persuaded that if he gave in, I would be SO mad at him after! How much better does God know me! He will know when to push back, and I will need to trust Him when I am yelling for the trial-test-hurt to stop.
So while I am not so sure what may come, I do desire to be like Christ. And may I have the courage to pray that prayer in all sincerity.