There is an application on my computer called STICKIES that is like an endless supply of little yellow post it notes... and I am so addicted. Every little thing that comes into my brain can be put on one of these little notes and it is saved for me to be retrieved at my whim, and I dont have to think of it again until I need to think of it. You know what I mean? OFTEN through out the day I think "I need to remember to do this" or "Don't forget to include this", and lately it has been a little out of control, as my entire life is being evaluated through the lens of, "Will I use up some of my 50 pound per bag allotment with ThiS?!" My whole life is being evaluated, quantified, weighed and measured in the balances of "need vs. want", and "light vs. heavy"!! I have lists of things like "helpful gadgets", "personal needs", "medical essentials", "what would I run to Walmart for", "If Weight and Space allows"...! Craziness that is just what my brain is going through as we prepare to move to Zambia. Sometimes I wonder if I am being given too much time to think through it all!
And then I wake up and realize that LIFE is not compatible with that!
Things blend into one another and get mixed up, and intertwine and intersect at too many places. To categorize my life into "Moving" and "staying" and "living here" and "living there" is an exercise in futility and for me is really not possible. I am learning to take it one day at a time, and make lists on my computer.
I am able to dream of perfection and have a place to quantify it. When reality hits, I delete the sticky.
I love this stage we are in. We are given the gift of time with our children. Time with family and friends. Time with Walmart and Wegmans. Time with consistent electricity and water! I am purposefully and purposely enjoying this time. Learning to appreciate the amazing gifts I still have complete access to is a good way to live. It makes me realize how spoiled I am. And how much God truly has blessed me with.
When I am tempted to be stressed or anxious about the unknown, I trust the Lord because there have been plenty of times in the past that I have felt the same way and worse, and HE NEVER LET ME DOWN. He is always a good God, and no matter what comes to me, it has passed through his mind and hands first. He knows what I need and don't need, and I am his child. I am thankful for verses that have held me and helped me through so much of this course we are on.
John 10:27-29, Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 139, Jeremiah 33:3, Exodus 33:12-17.
God made me, knows me, has a plan for me, and will complete it. As long as I surrender to His will, and trust His word, what shall I fear?
A Psalm of David.
The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?